tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32611218914402582492024-03-13T11:49:58.986-07:00Baby Love!My Infertility JourneyBaby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-34909396097643302872015-07-09T07:38:00.001-07:002015-07-09T07:39:03.531-07:00Just The Beginning One year ago today, Josh and I headed out to New York to do what would be our fifth and last IVF cycle. It had been a long, emotional and scary five years for us.<br />
We were both exhausted in every way imaginable, we didn't know if we could handle another miscarriage or failed cycle. We left July 9th, egg retrieval was on the 11th and on the 16th we transferred 2 healthy embryos. It was the longest week of our lives! Fast forward to July 25th (Kaes birthday) Josh and I hadn't told Kae what was going on so we had to stay quiet about it. The phone rang, Josh and I ran outside to hear the news that would change our lives. We had gotten this call 4 other times, 2 of those phone calls were heart shattering and till this day I will never forget that heart dropping feeling when I heard "I am sorry, it was negative," the other 2 calls were "it came back positive BUT your levels are low."<br />
Not this time, there was no "I am sorry or congratulations BUT," there was just YOUR PREGNANT! Josh and I looked at each other, laughed and then cried. We couldn't believe that we were finally going to have a baby together or little did we know 2!<br />
Fast forward a year and I am now watching our beautiful boys sleep (I wish I could say peacefully) on their monitor.<br />
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Now to address the elephant in the room. I was very open before we got pregnant about us using an egg donor but haven't talked about it except with a select few.<br />
Yes, we did use an egg donor. I have been going back and forth with whether or not I would confirm on my blog that we had actually used one or not, because I felt "why does it matter." But it does matter because I decided a long time ago to bring you on this journey with us and I kind of left you with a cliff hanger for a year. So I will answer the most asked questions about our experience using an egg donor.<br />
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We used an anonymous donor, we chose her through our doctors office.<br />
We have not and will never meet her but we have seen her baby pictures.<br />
She is not the mother of my boys, I AM their mom. She may have given her genetics but without me they wouldn't be here, my body nurtured their little bodies for 8 months and I am the one raising them. If you're talking to us about her please know that she is known to us as our donor not the mom.<br />
I don't look at the boys and see her, I see Josh in Owen (obviously) and I see Kaedence in Finn with my green eyes.<br />
I do pray for her every night, she gave me the ability to become a mom. She will forever be in my heart and I will be eternally grateful.<br />
Last but not least we have 3 embryos frozen so if we are lucky enough to get pregnant again our boys will have full genetic siblings.<br />
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We want to thank everyone for all of your support! We love everyone!<br />
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<br />Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-68292729599731579402014-05-15T14:04:00.001-07:002014-05-15T14:06:03.314-07:00FYI <span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I feel as
though I need to clarify some things that have been asked and also a few things
that have been weighing heavily on my heart.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I want to start by thanking everyone
who has liked the “Operation Baby Henrickson” fb page as well as the people who
have been able to donate. I especially want to thank my sister Antonina for
starting both of the pages, we love you so very much and it means the world to
us! With that being said people should know that I am not the admin for the Operation
Baby Henrickson fb page nor am I admin for the GoFundMe page, my sister is in
control of all of that so anything that is posted on the page is from my
sister. My sister came to us and asked if she could start these pages to help
us with the cost of using donor eggs, in no ways were we trying to drag people
into what we are doing, she wanted to help but doesn’t have a ton of money that
she can just give us so she came up with this. We are forever grateful to her
for everything she has done for us! Thank you sister!!!! On a side note Josh
and I are not just sitting around waiting for “handouts,” we have worked our
butts off trying to save money for fertility treatments. We save as much as we
can every month!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I have been asked a lot when we plan
on doing our egg donor cycle, but we do not plan on telling anyone (not even
family) when we are doing all of this. As you can imagine this is going to be
an EXTREMELY stressful process and we do not want to add to the stress by
having people calling, texting or emailing me asking if it worked or not. We
would also like the option of telling people that we are pregnant when we feel
we are in a safe zone and that we are ready to tell people. I also have been
asked if we are going to tell our child(ren) that he/she is from an egg donor
and the answer is yes. I feel it is very important for them to know where they
came from and to know the struggle and sacrifices that we went through to have
them. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">With that
being said; as open as we have been about us using an egg donor it does not
mean that anyone can just go and talk to our child about it, even if you’re family
please know that it is NOT your place to talk to them about such things no
matter what the comment is. Josh and I will decide what we disclose to him/her and
at what WE feel is the appropriate age. This also goes for such things being
discussed with Kaedence, Josh and I will decide if and when we want to tell her
how her sibling was conceived. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So when
it comes to our kids please keep your mouth shut about the egg donor issue.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lastly, I
want to clarify that I am not forcing Josh to do ANY of this. I think people
may get the wrong idea because he isn’t very vocal about this whole thing, but
that’s because he is a private person and talking about it isn’t on the top of
his list to discuss. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to do it or that I
am holding a gun to his head or giving him an ultimatum. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact when our doctor first told us we
should use an egg donor I was the one who was hesitant and it took me a whole
year to say okay to it, but Josh was on board from day one because he knew our
chances would be greater and he so badly wants to have a child with ME no
matter how we get him/her. None of this is being forced on either side and it kills
me to know that people think that if I didn’t want this so badly that Josh
would be okay with not having kids with me because he has a child already. Yes,
he has a child but he only gets to see her 4 days a month so it is not the
same. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He loves me and would do anything
for me but I love him just as much and would never force him to do something he
didn’t want to do. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am sorry that
this wasn’t more of a happy blog but I felt as though all of this needed to be
said. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We love
everyone and hope all is well!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-Christina<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-23090629240499548902014-01-17T12:25:00.002-08:002014-01-17T12:30:55.631-08:00Keep Moving Forward<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s only
January but I can’t help but think that May is slowly creeping up on me, the
greatest thing in the world happened to me in May of 2009 and that’s when I
married my best friend and the love of my life, but unfortunately May is also a
reminder that it’s another year gone by and we are still struggling to have our
first baby together. It seems insane to me that it’s been 5 years……I never in
my life thought that I would have problems getting pregnant let alone having to
sacrifice an ovary, both fallopian tubes and my sigmoid colon for even just a
shot at having a baby and now we are finding out that I will have to sacrifice
having a child that is genetically mine as well.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Last year after our 4<sup>th</sup> IVF
cycle my doctor suggested that we look into using an egg donor because she felt
my eggs were not of quality, she said she was willing to do another IVF cycle using
my eggs but felt it would be best to use a donor. I needless to say broke down
in her office….this was unfathomable to me; I am (at the time) only 27 years
old how can this be happening. I couldn’t even wrap my mind around what she was
saying to us, all I kept think was I will never get to look at my child and
think “he/she gets that from me” or that Josh loves my eyes and has always said
that he hopes our baby has them, it’s all gone...... I will never experience that and I was absolutely
devastated! I have become very closed off the past year because of all of this,
I stopped talking to a lot of friends and have even closed off to some of my
family. My doctor explained that I had to grieve the loss of my genetics. I
went through every stage of grief because it literally felt like someone had died,
I can’t even describe the pain I felt and still feel.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I asked Dr.
W to run labs to make sure that I didn’t have any blood clotting issues and as
you know it came back that I in fact had problems. This discovery changed
everything for me; I sucked up my tears and thought “I am going to prove Dr. W
wrong” (clearly the denial stage of grief). I talked Josh into letting me do
ONE more IVF cycle using my eggs, after all Dr. W said there is a cocktail of
vitamins that could help improve egg quality so why not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took those pills every damn day, some of
them I had to take 7 pills a day. I did acupuncture and lost more weight, I did
EVERYTHING I could possibly do to make this cycle work. We had 30 eggs and only
had 2 embryos to transfer with none to freeze, and neither of them implanted. I,
still in denial thought “well let’s get a second opinion,” hoping that when I
told this new doctor about the terrible cramping I get in my uterus after my
IVF cycle he would say “well that is an easy fix, let’s freeze your embryos,
let your body heal and then transfer them.” Needless to say that isn’t how it
went. He said he is concerned at the fact that we get so many eggs but only end
up with 2 embryos and none to freeze, that is not good and something has to be
happening after fertilization that is causing them to not grow. He said with my
age I should be a great candidate for IVF and should have gotten pregnant by
now, something is happening more than likely chromosome wise. They can run test
on Josh and I to see if we have any chromosome abnormalities, but the only way
to really find out is to do an IVF cycle and do genetic testing on each embryo
to look at what is going wrong and then transfer the embryos that don’t have
any genetic abnormalities but there is a fair chance that all of them have
genetic problems and will not make it past implantation once in my uterus. He pointed
out that by the time we paid for everything we would have spent the same amount of
money that we would have spent to use an egg donor. He strongly suggests that
we use an egg donor because he just doesn’t see it possible that we could have genetic
children together. He is also concerned because of the cramping I have had
during my IVF cycles, he isn’t sure what it is caused from but wants to do
further tests including and endometrial biopsy to make sure I can carry a baby.
I am hoping that everything comes back normal so I can at least carry my baby.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So it looks like Josh and I will be
looking into using an egg donor, I hope we can find someone with my eye color
and dimples. This isn’t cheap either, probably twice the cost of and IVF cycle.
Before anyone decides to email me offering their eggs, I want to say I
appreciate the offer but Josh and I would prefer to use an anonymous donor. I am still having a very hard time with all of this and I am still grieving but I know that all I need is time and support from family and friends. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thank you
all for your love and support.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">SIDE NOTE: I
know that many of you are not going to agree with or understand our decision to use donor
eggs oppose to adopting, but the fact of the matter is that it is OUR decision
what our next step will be during this journey. Everyone is entitled to their
opinion but I will NOT tolerate negativity or hatred toward my husband or I because of our
decision. Remember that we didn’t choose to have infertility it’s a disease and
our options of having a family are getting smaller and smaller and if you haven’t
been through this then you have NO idea how we feel or how hard all of this all is for us.
We only want and need love and positivity.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-61024632923739234112013-11-08T13:40:00.001-08:002013-11-08T13:40:21.790-08:00I am Thankful For.....
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thanksgiving
is coming up and posting what you are most thankful for on Facebook seems to be
the trend again this year, so I thought I would say what I am most thankful for
through my blog. Let me start off with the obvious things such as Josh and I having
jobs so we can put food on our table and clothes on our bodies and to give my
beautiful step daughter Kae a good life. There are a lot more obvious things
but then this blog wouldn’t be so interesting so let me move on. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have to
say the thing I am most thankful for is something that I NEVER in my life
thought I would<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>be thankful for and that
is infertility……..I know, weird right? Don’t get me wrong I hate going through
infertility more than anything in this world, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it has done a number not only on our bank
account but it has taken its toll on us emotionally and has almost killed me
twice. But this “horrible” disease that is standing in the way of my body ever
carrying a child and makes me cry myself to sleep almost EVERY night for the
past 4 years is also one of the biggest blessings of my life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Infertility has made my marriage stronger and
has made me love Josh more and more every day. Josh and I have been trying to
have a baby together since 3 days after we got married and after I had 3
surgeries and gone through countless fertility treatments most men would have
said “we just need to stop” my wonderful husband says “we will never give up.”
He has been by my side through everything and he lifts me up whenever I get
knocked down or feel too weak to continue on with this journey. Without his
strength I don’t know if I would have made it this far so I am truly thankful
for Joshua Blaine Henrickson! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Infertility
has made me super close to my family as well; my sister, Mom and Dad have been
so great during all of this by reassuring us that we are not alone and that
they have out backs! My wonderful parents last year hosted a fundraiser to help
us raise money to do an IVF cycle with no strings attached, they never made us
feel like we owed them and we know they did it because they love us and want to
see our dream come true (thank you to all of our family and friends who donated
last year). My sister has held my hand and listened to me cry and has cried
with me more times than I can count, she has been one of my biggest supporters
and I cannot say how much I love her for all that she has done for us! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was told
once that this journey will make me see who my true friends are and boy were
they right! I have had many friends just kind of disappear or will say things
here and there but not many of them are right by my side calling to see how
things are going and how we are holding up. To me these small things are a HUGE
part of a friendship and when your “friend” is going through hard times no
matter how long they are going through it, you should always show your support.
I now know who my true friends are and who are not and I am sure the people who
are not will read this and wonder if it’s them. To my friends that have been
there for us, we thank you for even just a simple phone call or acknowledgement
that you care, we love you!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This journey has also brought out people who I
was never very close to, they have surprised us by donating to our fundraiser
last year, offering their bodies for 9 months or offering their eggs to us. Words
cannot describe how much these people mean to us! To those of you who were
serious about helping us or who have helped us we want to thank you and know
that Josh and I are forever grateful!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because of infertility
I have met some wonderful ladies, who have been on or are currently on this
journey. These women have reassured me that what I am feeling is normal and
that I am in fact not alone. Thank you for sharing your stories with me and
giving me someone I can relate too.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">4 years ago
we met with our first fertility specialist Dr. Horvath and at first we thought
he was kind of an ass but later showed us such compassion. When I was in the hospital
he came into see me even though he wasn’t my attending, him and my nurse (Amy
Alix) would call me just to see how I was feeling, he made us realize that he
wasn’t in this for the success rate or money but that he really <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>cared and wanted to help us. Sadly Dr. Horvath
was diagnosed this summer with Liposarcoma was given only a few more months to
live. He is a wonderful man and he will truly be missed! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Last but not
least because of our struggles we know the importance of family and when we
finally become pregnant and have our baby we will never take for granted this
gift from God because we have been through hell and back to get him/her! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life of course isn’t fair and it feels as
though we will be on this journey forever but someday and somehow Josh and I
will have a baby together!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">We love you
all and hope that you have a terrific Thanksgiving!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-75880875194924961862012-12-07T13:04:00.001-08:002012-12-07T13:25:59.615-08:00I HATE MY BODY! (It apparently hates me too)<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I went in for my “WTF” appointment last month and I asked to
have some blood work done to make sure I didn’t have any blood clotting problems;
well sure enough I have high homocysteine levels which can causes blood clots
and puts me at high risk for recurring miscarriages, stroke and heart attacks…….nice
to know that NOW right!? On the plus side it is treatable and they have
started me on a medication called Folgard which is a combination of folic acid,
B6 and B12, it will convert homocysteine in the body into chemicals that are
more usable. My doctor said along with the Folgard I will take baby aspirin and
heparin shots during my next IVF cycle and if pregnancy is achieved then I will
continue taking them until I deliver. I am quite irritated because I feel like
this is something I should have been tested for way before all of this and my doctor
even said there is a good chance I would still be pregnant had we had known about
it before and taken action sooner.*sigh* I feel like pulling my hair out…..oh wait
it’s already falling out from the stupid thyroid meds!!!!! I am happy that we have some answers but at the same time I am even more scared then I was before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right
now we are taking another break and we will figure out what we are going to do
as we move forward. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-80800525201779468042012-11-07T11:22:00.001-08:002012-11-07T11:22:22.880-08:003rd IVF Cycle
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Josh and started our 3<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">rd</span></sup> IVF cycle at the
beginning of October and just like the last two cycles everything started off
perfectly! I responded very well to my meds and on October 10<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> they
were able to retrieve 31 eggs, because of how many eggs they were able to get I
woke up in a TON of pain (the more eggs the more times you get stabbed with a
needle) everyone was so great and my doctor was very happy with the outcome.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Out of the 31 eggs 15
were mature and 10 fertilized which was great and we had 1 good blastocyst and
one good morula (the stage before becoming a blastocyst) and there were a few
that were still a little behind, we transferred 2 of them which was an amazing
experience because at this clinic Josh was able to be in the room with me
during the transfer and they had a huge TV where we watched them put our
embryos in the catheter and then it switched over to the ultrasound and we got
to watch them place them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They called us
the next day and told us that none of our embryos made it to freezing. Then 2
days after my transfer they ran some labs and my progesterone and estrogen
levels were super high (this is good; you need high levels to be able to hold a
pregnancy). Of course like any woman going through fertility treatments I was
paying attention to every little change that was happing to my body knowing
that it could very well be from the meds that I was taking, but I told Josh
something is just different this time I can feel it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We went in on the 24<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>
for my pregnancy test and was told that they would call us in a couple of
hours………well 6 HOURS LATER (they were having a problem with their phones) we
get the call saying that we are pregnant but my levels were only at 13 and
normally they want to see them above 70 but she assured us that this sometimes
happens and women go on to have perfectly healthy babies. Two days later we went in to have
our second level check (they want to make sure the pregnancy hormone is
doubling every 48 hours) and our nurse called and said that my levels had dropped
to 11 but she said sense there wasn’t a significant drop they were still
cautiously optimistic, she also said that my thyroid levels are elevated and
they need to put me on meds for it right away and it being elevated was strictly fertility induced and can
cause problems getting pregnant and staying pregnant. We were super scared but
we were trying to be positive. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had taken a at home pregnancy test after my
first lab test because I had never seen a positive on one before, needless to
say I was so happy that a second line showed up, and even the day after my
levels dropped I took another test and this time the second line was even
darker so I thought my levels must be going up if it’s getting darker. The
morning of my next lab test I took another home test and there wasn’t even
close to being a second line, I went in for my test and my nurse called and
said my levels were at 0. Even though we knew it was coming, it still felt like
a knife just went straight into our hearts, it made it all too real and now we
were left to figure out what happened and what we are going to do next. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today is especially hard because it was supposed to be my 6
week ultrasound where we would get to hear the baby’s heartbeat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot tell you all the different emotions
that we are feeling; it makes me feel insane sometimes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We thought this was it because everything
preventing us from getting pregnant was taken care of but now my body decided
to throw in another wrench and elevate my thyroid preventing me from staying
pregnant. We meet with our doctor next week and we will see what she says, I
refuse to move forward with any plans to do another IVF cycle until I have had
every test possible to see what could have caused this. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have been more open about using a gestational carrier but
we are still not completely ready for it and probably won’t be for a couple of
years, I still very much want to carry my own baby and feel that I have been
cheated out of so much that most woman get to experience, I will never be able
to get pregnant without IVF and that still hurts my heart and I don’t want to
miss out on feeling my child grow inside me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was really hoping that this would have been the end of our
infertility journey so we could move on with our lives and finally be able to
have a child together. But I have to suck it up get ready for more tests and
start saving for our 4<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> IVF cycle, if you don’t see me on facebook
for a while it’s probably because I ended up having to be committed ;) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-10046536401071742082012-07-19T18:18:00.000-07:002012-07-19T19:36:21.687-07:00The cause of my infertility<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have had a lot of people ask me about the cause of my infertility so I thought I would explain everything on my blog. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If things gross you out easily or if you don’t want to know the details of my messed up reproductive system then please don’t read this. Also just so this doesn’t come off wrong, I don’t mind AT ALL talking about my infertility this has been my life for 3 years now and I love helping people understand what it’s like to go through all of this because most people have no idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Endometriosis<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Each month our ovaries produce hormones that cause the endometrial cells in the uterus to thicken. Our bodies remove extra endometrial cells from the uterus when you get your period, but if these cells implant and grow outside of the uterus then endometriosis occurs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How do endometrial cells get on the outside of the uterus?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been told from a few doctors that it gets there from something called retrograde menstruation, this happens when the endometrial cells shed when you get your period and travel backwards through the fallopian tubes and into the pelvis. After this happens the tissue implants (most commonly on the ovaries) and will continue to grow when you get your next period and sometimes the tissue will even bleed a little. Endometriosis typically implants on the ovaries, bowel, rectum and bladder but it can also grow in other areas of the body as well. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are 4 stages of endometriosis and unfortunately I am in the 4<sup>th</sup> stage which is the most severe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have endometriosis on my ovary, pelvic wall and bowel; I would also get endometriomas (chocolate cysts) which are ovarian cysts that are filled with menstrual blood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have had a few women say that they think they might have endometriosis but the only way to tell is to go to a doctor. If you have a doctor who says that you have or don’t have it just by doing a pelvic exam or just by your list of symptoms then you need to get a second opinion because there is no telling for sure if you have it or what stage you’re in without having exploratory surgery, in which if you DO have it they can remove some of your adhesions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have always had painful periods which are one of the symptoms of endometriosis but when I was around 21yrs old the cramps I had were so bad that I would pass out from the pain. I went to my doctor and they did a pelvic exam and ultrasound and they said everything was fine, but about 10 months later I started having abdominal pain all of the time, so when I went to a different doctor they discovered that I had large ovarian cysts, after I had surgery to remove the cysts they told me that I had severe endometriosis. The point is that even if you have a normal pap and ultrasound they really don’t know what is going on unless they go and look. Listen to your body, if you have severe cramps during your period or a couple of weeks after your period (during ovulation), pain going to the bathroom during your period, lower back or thigh pain and last but not least pain during sex, these can all be symptoms of endometriosis. </span></div>
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<u><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)</span></span></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is hard for me to share because some of the symptoms are VERY embarrassing!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>PCOS is caused by a hormone imbalance. Women with PCOS usually have irregular periods, anovulation (no ovulation); some women may have multiple cysts inside of the ovary, acne, hair thinning, facial hair growth, insulin resistance and weight gain. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I started with symptoms of PCOS around the same time I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I first<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>noticed that I had some facial hair but thought “well since I am Italian I knew this day was coming,” but then my hair started to thin out and I started getting acne on my back. I didn’t get anything checked until Josh and I started trying to have a baby and that’s when they discovered that I wasn’t ovulating every month and that I also had multiple cysts on my ovaries. They ran a hormone panel and saw that my hormones were not at the level that they should be and that was why everything was so out of whack, because when one hormone changes it triggers another, which changes another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Naturally, ovaries make a small amount of androgen (male sex hormones) but when you have PCOS the ovaries start to make a little more androgens which can cause facial hair growth, acne and can causes ovulation to stop which is clearly important when you are trying to get pregnant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My fertility doctor in NY said that my PCOS case was unusual (go figure) because although my hormone levels were lacking in some areas, some of the other hormone levels were high compared to most women with PCOS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hormones that I am lacking affect my egg production so they have found that I am closer to menopause then I should be at my age.</span></div>
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<u><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hydrosalpinx </span></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A hydrosalpinx in fluid that is in the fallopian tube which makes it close to impossible for an egg and sperm to meet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fluid is also toxic so in my case I only had one fallopian tube and it was filled with the fluid, when we did our IVF cycles the fluid leaked into my uterus and made it hard for the embryos to survive. A hydrosalpinx can be drained but it will come back so the only treatment is to have the tube either tied or removed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, there you have it. If you know someone who suffers from infertility talk to them and try to understand their condition, it’s not an easy fix like a lot of people think it is. </span></span></div>Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-49120046844222628442012-05-16T11:04:00.000-07:002012-05-16T11:04:47.935-07:00That was easy!I am not going to lie I went into the hospital last Friday scared to DEATH! Good things usually don't happen to me during surgery and I wake up with bad news, so I was prepared for the worst. Little did I know that it would be my easiest surgery and it only took Dr. W 30 minutes to get in there with a clear path and cut my fallopian tube and get out. When I woke up I had more pain from the cath then my incisions which made me think that they put the Essure in but I was wrong! <br />
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Josh said when he saw Dr. W come out he thought "oh crap they couldn't do ANYTHING." But I guess she had a big smile on her face and said everything went perfect and she is positive about our next IVF cycle. Hearing this news even Josh had tears in his eyes (he never cries) but with how CRAZY this journey has been everything seems to finally be falling into place. <br />
This is day 5 after my surgery and it feels like nothing was even done. To make things even better Dr. W made her incisions in my belly button and an existing scar, my belly already looks like Frankenstein but I was not happy knowing I would have a few more! <br />
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We will plan our next IVF after our BBQ fundraiser but I haven't decided if I am going to share when exactly we will do our cycle because of the stress of it all but I always share the results. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayer we love you all!Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-35537864423234332052012-05-08T17:55:00.002-07:002012-05-08T18:01:29.522-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I thought it would be cool for me to share these. For a while they were hard for me to look at because all I could think of was what could have been. I know most of you don't know what you are looking at so I will explain a little. The first picture is our embryos from day 3, one was 8 cells and the other was I believe 4 or 6 cell (I can't remember). The next picture was from our second IVF attempt, these were day 5 blastocyst and these usually have 70-100 cells. Pretty crazy huh? It's weird to know this is how we all start off.</div>
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These are our day 3 embryos from our first IVF attempt. The 2 with the marks next to them are the ones that we tranferd<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uUKbNnFI6Zc/T6m9n3AlWwI/AAAAAAAAAA8/PTzipcvyv34/s1600/babies1" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dba="true" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uUKbNnFI6Zc/T6m9n3AlWwI/AAAAAAAAAA8/PTzipcvyv34/s320/babies1" width="239" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-E1BcWdTQKE8/T6m9qW9ceNI/AAAAAAAAABE/apiIoQ1LMiE/s1600/babies2" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dba="true" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-E1BcWdTQKE8/T6m9qW9ceNI/AAAAAAAAABE/apiIoQ1LMiE/s320/babies2" width="239" /></a></div>
These are our day 5 blastocysts.Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-3742274311910813142012-04-16T11:36:00.002-07:002012-04-18T16:42:07.614-07:00Change In PlansJosh and I have done some research and have talked to some adoption agencies and it turns out adoption is WAY more expensive then we ever expected. For now we are putting adoption on the back burner and we will continue to see a fertility doctor and try to get pregnant. <br />
<br />
I met with my new fertility doctor last week and she seems very nice. She believes that the reason why we are not getting pregnant is because of the fluid in my fallopian tube because it is toxic to embryos, making implantation very hard to achieve and it increases my chance of miscarriage. The only way to treat this is to close the tube or to remove the tube. Now surgery is not ideal because how much scar tissue I have and how bad my endometriosis is BUT it's our best option, once this surgery is done it will double our chances of getting pregnant with IVF because my uterus is fine and I am young. I am having a hard time with this because this will make it final that Josh and I will NEVER get pregnant on our own, even though we have a very slim chance of that happening now we still have that small percentage so to have my only tube closed is a big deal. I have decided to go ahead with the surgery because I have faith that our next IVF will work without that fluid compromising it. My doctor seems very positive, she knows my fears about having surgery but she has assured me that if she gets in there and there is too much damage she will back out and then place a device called Essure, they will go in vaginally and place the Essure in the fallopian tube which will pretty much plug it up so that the fluid will not leak into the uterus making it a safe place for a baby to grow. <br />
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IVF in Michigan is not cheap, it is a lot more expensive here than in New York. My new doctor does a multi cycle plan where you pay a certain amount (a little more than 1 IVF cycle) and you will have 3 fresh cycles and 3 frozen cycles, (fresh cycles means that they go in and retrieve the eggs, frozen means if you have embryos from your fresh cycle to freeze they will thaw them and then place them in the uterus) this will give us technically 6 chances (if we have embryos to freeze) at IVF. <br />
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This is obviously more than we can afford but because of my age it is the perfect time for us to continue with IVF (the older you get the slimmer your chances of conception are). My parents decided to host a BBQ in August for friends and family to help raise money for this treatment. <br />
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I appreciate all of the support that Josh and I get, this is very hard for the both of us but we have faith that 3 times a charm. Thanks again everyone!Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-28883776563258017132012-03-16T10:35:00.002-07:002012-03-16T10:38:13.250-07:00Feeling DiscouragedI am feeling so very overwhelmed, adoption cost so much more than we thought. I feel like every time we finally find the strength to move forward we get set back even further then before. I have so many emotions running through me it's not even funny, I feel angry that we even have to go through this and that I have to "pay" to have a child, I feel sad that it's coming up on 3 years since we started trying and we have nothing to show for it, and I feel jealous of people with kids. I just feel like Josh and I will never have a child together and that hurts me more than anything. Okay I am done with my rant.Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-30202892403080590622011-12-16T07:33:00.000-08:002011-12-16T07:35:24.568-08:00SurrogacyI have to address this because it is driving me crazy. Josh and I are not ready to do or even talk about using a surrogate, I had a hard enough time thinking about adoption let alone something that we are not wanting to do. I appreciate all the offers I get and believe me I get offers almost every day BUT we are just not wanting to do it. This may change in the future but as of right now I have not had a doctor say "you are just never going to be able to carry a baby," so until this happens we are closed off to the idea of using a surrogate. Again we appreciate the offers we are getting but I don't think a lot of people realize what goes into this. When you do surrogacy I still have to go through everything as if I was to do IVF and while I am doing that you would have to take hormone injections to prepare your body for a pregnancy and then they would transfer the embryo (hoping there is a good enough embryo to transfer) then it's a matter of if the embryo implanted or not, and just because you don't have fertility problems does NOT mean you will get pregnant, even if you have carried a child before there is still a chance that it won't work and most fertility doctors say to expect the first IVF cycle not to work (even for surrogacy), most of the time it takes 2 or 3 times. It's very emotional and time consuming for all people involved.<br />
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I want to carry my own child and feel them kick and have my husband touch my belly to feel the baby move and until I am told that this is not ever going to happen then I will continue going through all the injections, blood work, ultrasounds, retrievals, transfers, heartbreak and tears to make my dream of being able to carry mine and Josh's child come true. If the time ever comes (which I hope it doesn't) where we have no other option but to use a surrogate I already know who I am going to use. Until this all happens we are going to continue with looking into adoption and looking for a new fertility doctor to help us get pregnant.<br />
Thanks everyone for the support :)Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-25848797512015212612011-12-09T11:52:00.001-08:002011-12-09T11:52:45.461-08:00Our Next Step<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Josh and I have decided that once we are all settled in our place that we are going to put in for adoption. We are still going to continue our fertility journey and find another doctor who will hopefully be able to help us get pregnant, we figure worse comes to worse we will end up with 2 babies and I don’t feel like that is a bad thing. We are going to adopt in the states and will hopefully have our adoption closed in a couple of years. I am VERY excited but also nervous because it is still an emotional roller coaster. I am still having a hard time excepting that we are not pregnant from our last IVF cycle but as time goes on I have been able to heal little by little. I can’t wait to finally be able to hold my own baby even if they are not biologically mine. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will probably be a couple of months before my next update but wish us luck on our new journey as well as our continued fertility journey. </span></div>Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-40286505706616156922011-11-13T15:52:00.000-08:002011-11-13T15:52:20.779-08:002nd IVF Attempt<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Josh and I were lucky enough to be converted to IVF at the end of October. Everything started off great; they were able to collect 17 eggs like last time and 13 fertilized on their own! Our embryos made it to day 5 and we had 1 perfect blastocyst and one that was good, Josh and I decided that we didn’t want to take any chances so we asked to transfer both of them instead of just one like they recommend. They were so positive and thought it would work because how perfect the quality was. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This time Josh and I knew it worked, we could just feel it! Everything went too great for it NOT to work. We went on Nov. 10<sup>th</sup> for my pregnancy test and I told the nurse “I know it worked, I have no doubt in my mind” she said “I sure hope so; everyone in the office is hoping this is it for you!” We got home and we talked about when we were going to tell people and when we were going to tell Kaedence, we were so excited! Then I got the call from my nurse, she said “It’s not good news”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>she got chocked up and said “it was negative, I am so sorry” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was staring at Josh and my heart dropped, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was waiting for her to say JUST KIDDING. After I hung up the phone Josh and I both hugged each other and cried, we just don’t understand what went wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">People keep telling me to pray and put it in God’s hands but that’s what I have been doing for the past 2 ½ years. I can’t just stop trying and not see a fertility doctor; we have no choice but to do IVF because getting pregnant on our own WILL NOT WORK FOR US! I stress this because so many people keep telling me to “stop trying” even though I have explained to them before that we can’t. I put my faith in God and pray that he hears me and in the mean time we have to spend thousands of dollars on something that isn’t working, and frankly I am angry with God and I know most of you will say that I shouldn’t be but that’s how I feel right now, I am tired of having good things dangled in front of us and then in a blink of an eye it’s gone. We are good people who get crapped on and I am just tired of praying and pleading with God. I know this feeling of anger will go away but right now I am grieving. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also can’t stand when people say “it will happen” I have been hearing that for way to long and it gets under my skin, please tell me how you “know” that it will happen? It doesn’t make me feel better when you say it so please stop saying it to me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know it’s hard for people to come up with things to say and I don’t expect anyone to say anything to me that will cheer me up, but even just a simple “I hope you are feeling well” works. I really am not trying to be mean or sound rude, but you need to understand that after hearing certain things all the time for 2 years it becomes annoying. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Josh and I have decided to take a break for now and get ready for our move and get settled and then we will start interviewing new doctors. I am sorry if this blog comes off a little angry, I am just not in a good place right now. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thanks to everyone for the thoughts and prayers, we truly appreciate them.</span></div>Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-61235270352272516012011-09-30T13:30:00.000-07:002011-09-30T13:30:30.061-07:00Grrr....<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">August we decided to do a round of timed intercourse with injectable meds, even though our chances of getting pregnant without IVF are very, very slim we figured what the hell a chance is a chance. I started my shots and everything seemed to be going pretty well. I went every couple of days for labs and ultra sounds to see how I was doing and they said that I had a ton of follicles which we were happy about. Since everything was going well they talked to us about converting to IVF instead of timed intercourse, we agreed since my body was again responding well that we could give IVF another shot…….I swear my body heard IVF and basically said F YOU! When I went back to my doctor they found that my levels weren’t going up the way they should, these levels are for the hormones that make the eggs grow so they are pretty important. Dr. Horvath talked to us and said that I have a ton of follicles but they are not the size they need to be in order for him to collect them (I feel like a chicken sometimes lol) so after I had a total melt down in his office he said he would increase my meds and see how they are in a couple of days. Well because my body hates me, my hormone levels dropped leaving me with only 3 good follicles and just because they look good doesn’t mean it holds a mature egg. After talking to the nurse she said that Dr. Horvath would do the retrieval if I insisted but he strongly suggested that I don’t go through with it, they didn’t want me to go through such a traumatic thing and not even have eggs to fertilize, so in the end we cancelled our cycle and we are left again saying WTF!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For those of you who don’t know we are moving in November and moving back to Michigan to be with our family and my step daughter Kaedence. Although I am super excited I am so sad to be leaving Dr. Horvath and his staff. It may sound dumb but I think of them as family, they have been my support team for the past 2 ½ years. No matter how bad my situation was they never gave up hope, and to be honest I don’t know if I will ever find a doctor or nurses that care about me as much as they do. I always thought that the reason I would be discharged from his practice was because I was pregnant, boy was I wrong. So if you are or know anyone who is in the New York area and is having a hard time getting pregnant I strongly suggest AlbanyIVF. Don’t let the fact that I didn’t get pregnant from them change your thoughts on them, I’m a freak of nature ;) I was watching the Rachael Ray show yesterday and they had a women on there who ironically named Christina and is 27 (which I am 26) and has been dealing with fertility problems, she is a patient of Dr. Horvath’s and is pregnant with TRIPLETS! Not going to lie I though “UHG, B*TCH…..that is supposed to be me!” haha. Me? Bitter? Nooo. I would have be 15 weeks along as of Wednesday and I think she was around the same. Oh well, at least that means that maybe there will be hope for me. I may complain and say why me!? Blah, blah, blah, BUT I will never give up that’s for damn sure. I have come too far to throw in the towel. Anyway that’s my update/ rant. Wish us luck on our move! </span></div>Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-68078038580123342412011-08-16T13:52:00.000-07:002011-08-16T13:52:32.566-07:00Bad Day!<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I hate days like today, all I can think about is having babies and it breaks my heart that it still hasn’t happened for us. I literally know 13 pregnant women………….that’s a lot! It gets frustrating for me because most of these women are on their 2<sup>nd</sup> child and started having babies when Josh and I started trying. I had to block all the pregnant women status’s on my Facebook because it just became too much for me, I don’t blame anyone for posting things about their pregnancy, that’s not the case at all because I know damn well if I were pregnant every post would be about being pregnant but what I am going through is so hard that it’s just best that I don’t see those post for now and it seems the more time that passes the more people I have to block lol. I know this is hard to understand for some people and I don’t expect everyone to get it because in reality unless you have been through infertility you DON’T know what it’s like or how it feels to deal with this every day. Yes I could put a smile on my face and bare through the pregnancy announcements but that’s being fake and it makes it hurt even worse, crying and letting it all out helps me deal with it. And people say “it will happen for you, just be patient,” and “just stay positive.” Bitch please I have been patient I have gone through hell and back trying to conceive my FIRST child and still have NOTHING to show for it, and you try going through what I have gone through, all the test and surgeries, shots and fertility treatments all the while putting that damn smile on my face saying “this will be worth it” and “it will work,” but yet nothing seems to help. So yes I will cry and say it’s not fair and why me!? Frankly I think I have that right, I would like to see anyone go through this and not feel what I am feeling. And yes I know there are women who have gone through this but what people don’t understand is EVERY story is different and comparing what I am going through to what someone else is going through just doesn’t work, so in other words just because so and so got pregnant on their own after a failed IVF cycle does not mean I will get pregnant too, so please just stop saying that to me.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have been reading a book called “The Infertility Survival Handbook” and the first paragraph had me in tears because she described EXACTLY what I am feeling and even though our stories are different all the women who go deal with infertility have all the same emotions run through them. This is the first paragraph of this book.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“There isn’t any getting around it: having trouble getting pregnant sucks. Watching your friends conceive almost the minute they start trying when you’ve been trying for what feels like forever (and may very well have been forever), hurts. Your friends with newborns talk about nursing, diaper rash, nannies, balancing work and baby, and sleepless nights. You sit mute and jealous. If you offer any advice, your friends look at you with that “you just don’t understand because you don’t have a baby” expression. Friends with babies can’t go out with you and your husband. In fact, forget about seeing them, unless it’s Saturday afternoon Gymboree.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Your pregnant friend (who all seem to be on baby number two or three by now) complain about how fat they are, how much the baby is kicking, how insensitive their husbands are, and how awful it is to be pregnant <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-or- worse pregnant again. You want to scream! Why can’t they shut up and realize how lucky they are? You would give your left arm and right leg to be pregnant.”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I love this book so far! Anyway, I am not trying to bash all pregnant women and what not, but don’t be offended if I don’t feel like talking about you being pregnant or if I just don’t feel up to going to a kids play date, try to understand that sometimes I am just not up to doing or talking about these things. I know that people don’t know what to say in these situations so my advice is, if you don’t know what to say then don’t say anything and if I come to you crying or whatever I am really just looking for someone to cry on their shoulder so it’s okay that you sit there silent, I won’t be mad I actually prefer it. ;)</span></span></div>Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-82795332752222956182011-07-21T10:31:00.000-07:002011-07-21T10:31:13.316-07:00Our First IVF Attempt<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As you know Josh and I did our first IVF attempt in June, here is what happened. I was on meds for about two weeks to get my ovary to produce as many follicles (they hold the eggs) as possible, because I only have one ovary we were pretty nervous about this! My retrieval was on June 29th, and when I woke up from the egg retrieval they told us that we had 17 eggs! Mind you I have heard of women with BOTH ovaries who only had 7 eggs retrieved so this was awesome! The next day we got a call from the embryologist (they fertilize the eggs and watch the development) she said that out of 17 eggs 13 were mature and 9 fertilized and we were thrilled everything seemed to be going great! The day of the egg transfer will be depends on how the embryos are developing, usually they do the transfer either 3 days after fertilization when the embryo has developed into 8 cells or on day 5 when the embryos become what is called a blastocyst, this is what most people want to happen because when the embryo gets to the point of becoming a blastocyst it will be hatching within a day or two so the chances of implantation to take place is higher with a day 5 transfer. Unfortunately for us they had us do a 3 day transfer because the embryo quality was not that great and felt that the embryos would do better inside of the womb so after some talking we transferred 2 embryos, as for the rest of the embryos 3 made it to day 5 but the cell quality was not good enough to be frozen so we didn't have any to freeze. Then the two week wait began! This is the longest 2 weeks of our lives!!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I started cramping from the day of our transfer which is good because it could be implantation cramping but because of my history of infections they wanted me to come in for some blood work to make sure everything was ok. I asked the nurse how my levels were doing and she said “they are a little low to be pregnant, but it’s still early.” Needless to say I was freaking out I cried for 2 days, I convinced myself that it didn’t work and I still had 6 days left until my pregnancy test. So July 13<sup>th</sup> finally came and I was not very positive about what was going to happen, I told Josh to go to work because it was going to be negative so there was no point in being home. Finally the nurse called, she said “I am calling with some unfortunate but good news, your HCG (pregnancy hormone) is 8.4 which means you are pregnant BUT at this point we want to see your HCG at 50 or higher and all your levels are VERY low.” She wanted me to come back in 2 days for more blood work and hopefully my levels would go up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Josh and I were so excited because we knew this had happened to many women before and they went on to have a normal pregnancy. We figured out when our baby would be due which it would have been March 21<sup>st</sup> and when we would find out the sex, we felt as if we won the lottery. Sadly our excitement ended in tears when then next day I started bleeding very badly and ended up passing tissue. I still had to go to the doctor for more blood work and by then my HCG levels were at 1. So now we are left to figure out what to do next, unfortunately we cannot get pregnant on own because my only fallopian tube is blocked and the only way to treat it is to remove it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My doctor is left being very confused because he said it should have worked, everything went perfectly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So again Josh and I are left with heartache, we have had such a horrible year and we thought this was going to be it for us, but we were wrong. I still pray and have faith that we will become pregnant we just don’t know how and when. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-50072051067248289072011-05-18T20:34:00.000-07:002011-05-18T20:34:49.936-07:00Baby bumps are EVERYWHERE!!!!!<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I don’t know about everyone else, but it seems like when people get pregnant it happens in groups. In the past 2 weeks I have seen 5 people announce that they are pregnant! Don’t get me wrong I am happy for them all but not going to lie, it kind of sucks for someone dealing with infertility. Of course we know the world doesn’t revolve around us and people are not going to put their lives on hold until we become pregnant and most women have no trouble getting pregnant but it’s still a bit of a jab. I always feel bad when I read that someone is expecting because the first thing I think is “COME ON! WTF!”……. crazy right, not a normal reaction but I can’t help it and again it’s not that I am not happy for them, it’s just…… I wanted it to be ME damn it LOL. I read that these thought’s and feeling are natural though, so that’s good and it says to not feel bad for feeling this way. As much as they say it’s okay I still kind of feel like a b*tch. But I know one day, I will finally be able to make that announcement. </span></div>Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-69939765618159946402011-05-18T20:14:00.001-07:002011-05-18T20:14:50.652-07:00What to expect when she's not expecting<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I heard about this book for men called “What to expect when she's not expecting.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It sounds like something that every man should read when he and his spouse are infertile. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here is a link </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/05/17/sedaka.infertility.husbands/index.html?hpt=C2">http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/05/17/sedaka.infertility.husbands/index.html?hpt=C2</a></span></div>Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-42296168368320531342011-05-18T20:08:00.001-07:002011-05-18T20:08:22.809-07:00IVF<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s been a while since I have posted anything so I thought I would give an update. Josh and I have decided that we are going to try IVF, we are very excited but at the same time I am very nervous. IVF is a long process and is not guaranteed to <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>work, in fact our doctor told us to except it not to work, the chances for someone to only do one round of IVF and have it work are pretty low. And unfortunately I had an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago and they thought they saw more ovarian cysts but after another ultrasound they found that it is fluid in my fallopian tube, which I had in the fall with my left fallopian tube. This makes me nervous because they told us this decreases our chances of not only getting pregnant naturally but also with IVF. The fluid can leak into the uterus and affect implantation. Also we have to be careful because fertility meds can make the fluid buildup more; causing an infection (this is what happened last time). Needless to say this makes me a little scared, I am not trying to think in a negative way because I do have faith that it will work but I am a “what if” person and can’t help it. When we did our IUI, I was so positive and thought “this is it,” but sure enough not only did it NOT work but I became very ill. My body seems to be doing everything it can to prevent me from getting pregnant so hopefully IVF will be the answer to our prayers. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-30804322865416864772011-03-28T09:34:00.001-07:002011-03-28T09:34:47.432-07:00That Old Familiar Feeling<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So Josh and I are looking into doing IVF this summer, Dr. H wants my body to heal a little bit more before we jump into it so we have to try on our own (or with meds) until then so we tried this month, and guess what showed up 5 days early? My so called monthly gift! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>October was the last time I felt this heart wrenching pain and I did not miss it at all. The first day is always the worst and as the days go by you start planning for next month, but UHG!!! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hate this first day, I cry and sleep and cry some more, and yes it is easy to say “well we have next month” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but next month turns into the next month and then the next month and before you know it, it’s been a year…..it is VERY frustrating. And no matter what anyone says which are normally “it will happen,” “everything happens for a reason,” “Just relax,” “stop trying so hard,” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“keep praying,” “God has a plan for you,” it NEVER helps and ends up making me even more frustrated. This month would have been perfect too, because I would have been due in December (which is a special month in my family), and Josh gets out of the Navy at the end of December so we would still have insurance. But noooooo, nothing ever goes the way we would like them too! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am done with my bitching. </span></div>Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-8733992934114180812011-03-13T09:34:00.000-07:002011-03-13T09:34:11.577-07:008 Things you should NEVER say to someone who is dealing with infertility<div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.)<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></strong><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">"Relax, just stop thinking about it."</span></strong></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">This might be good for someone who doesn’t have infertility issues and yes stress does not help, but when you have medical problems “relaxing” is not much of an option.</span></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.)<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></strong><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">“My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant!”</span></strong></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">This should NEVER be said to someone who is going through this. It’s one thing if you don’t know that they are having problems, but if you do know and have the balls to say it then you need to be slapped because that’s like pouring salt into wounds.</span></strong></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.)<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></strong><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">“Just stop trying, I know a girl who stopped trying and became pregnant right away.”</span></strong></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt; margin-left: 0.5in;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Please refer to #1. That is great that happened for that person, but if you have a medical condition like I do and every month that goes by that you are not pregnant decreases your chances of ever becoming pregnant well then “stop trying” just won’t work.</span></strong></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.)<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></strong><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">“Why don’t you just adopt?”</span></strong></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Adoption can also be a long process and just as heart breaking, you don’t just go into a store and pick out a baby, adoption can take years, and not to mention it is expensive.</span></strong><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN;"></span></strong></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.)<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></strong><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">“You’re still young honey, you have time.”</span></strong><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN;"></span></strong></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt; margin-left: 4.5pt;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Age does have a big factor in fertility but, I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis at the age of 22 so by this time my infertility already began and was told that I need to have children by the time I was 28 because by then I will need to have a hysterectomy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ergo, being young doesn’t mean that you have time. </span></strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"></span></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.)<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></b><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">“Why don’t you just do IVF?”</span></strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"></span></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt; margin-left: 4.5pt;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN;">In vitro can cost anywhere from $10,000 - $15,000 per attempt (and is not covered by most insurance companies) and they can’t guarantee it will work the first time. I don’t know about you but I don’t have that kind of money just lying around.</span></strong></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.)<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></strong><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">“Just don’t be another Octomom!”</span></strong><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN;"></span></strong></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt; margin-left: 22.5pt;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">This is just a silly statement. Octomom’s doctor was a moron for doing what he did and most likely a normal RE will not put back more than three embryos. And most of the time IUI’s will result you with multiple babies because when you do an IUI you can’t control how many eggs will be released let alone fertilized opposed to IVF where they have control over everything.</span></strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"></span></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.)<span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></strong><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">“You should get a surrogate”</span></strong><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN;"></span></strong></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt; margin-left: 22.5pt;"><strong><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">In my case I can carry a baby; I just can’t get pregnant so I don’t need someone else carrying my baby. If I couldn’t carry a baby it is a butt ton of money to get a surrogate. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me give you an example that I found on a website for a surrogacy agency.</span></strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Application Fee $500</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><a href="" name="legal"></a><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Legal Expenses $15,000 </span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">This includes all contract preparation; surrogate selection and monitoring; escrow account supervision; final preparation of the adoption decree, and any other legal work necessary to ensure that the adoption and/or termination of parental rights (if in the IVF/ET program) is successful. If legal work is necessary outside of Indiana, we may need an attorney in that state also represent you, in which case there might be additional legal fees. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><a href="" name="med"></a><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Medical Expenses $5,000 - $20,000</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">This includes physical exams and sperm count of the father; physical exam, HSG test (if necessary), insemination/embryo transfer, prenatal, delivery, postpartum care for the surrogate. Medical costs will vary greatly depending on how comprehensive the surrogate's health insurance policy is, or if she even has one. If she does not, you must purchase a policy for her. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY EXPENSES NOT COVERED BY HER INSURANCE. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><a href="" name="adv"></a><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Advertising/Administrative Expenses $5,000 </span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">$5000</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"> is about what this company pays per woman made available to you. If for some reason you need to select a second surrogate, you are charged a reduced ad fee of $2500. If your surrogate does not pass the psychological testing and you select someone else, no additional fee is charged. This fee also includes the administrative costs of our program [all phone calls (our toll free number is provided), regular mailings, faxes, etc.] </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><a href="" name="psy"></a><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Psychological Fees $1,600-2,000</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">These are the costs for the psychological evaluation and testing that the surrogate (and her partner if she is involved with someone), will undergo once she is selected. Also included is consultation during and after the pregnancy, if necessary. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><a href="" name="mis"></a><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Miscellaneous Surrogate Benefits 750 - $2,000 </span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">This includes a $500 maternity clothing allowance; a $100,000 term life insurance policy which must be taken out on the surrogate (costs about $150); travel expenses to/from and one of several different cities for the medical procedures; a $100 daily allowance to compensate the surrogate for such things as lost wages, child care, meals, etc.; and attorney's fees for the surrogate's attorney ($300-$500). </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><a href="" name="surr"></a><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Surrogate's Fee 0 - $20,000 </span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"></span></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">According to their website Surrogacy can cost anywhere from $20,000 - $80,000</span></div><div style="background: white; line-height: 18pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">My point is, when talking to someone who has infertility you need to think before you speak, put yourself in their shoes and understand that anything you say to them, they more than likely have heard it at least 50 times before you.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">P.S. I have no idea why some of the background </span>is why, I don't know how to fix it.</div><span style="background-color: black; color: black;">P</span>Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-80650032531316222742011-03-11T16:37:00.000-08:002011-03-11T16:46:38.305-08:00Marriage & Infertility<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As you can imagine infertility can take a toll on a marriage, and Josh and I are no exception. Yes we do get along and I know he is one of my biggest supporters, but men think COMPLETLEY different then women. We had the same argument every month, it is usually when I either get my period or I get a negative pregnancy test. Now I am sure you are thinking…..why would you fight over that? Well it’s not that we are fighting because I didn’t become pregnant that month; it was usually because he and I handle things totally different. For me I would cry for days and beat myself up over it, but for him it was more so, “Ok…..let’s go on to the next month” and he wouldn’t even think twice about it. Now maybe I should be more like him and just move on but I can’t, because I am the reason we can’t get pregnant so I think it is more hurtful for me because I take on the burden of our infertility. It’s not that I expect Josh to break down and cry every month that we didn’t get pregnant, but I wanted some kind of emotion because if I am the only one showing disappointment (not that he is NOT disappointed) then I feel crazy and even more alone then I already do. I think no matter how hard we try we will always be different in the emotional department but, he tries his best and that’s all I ask.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do have to tell this story though. After my IUI I was crushed when I got my period, Josh was at work so I was alone when the stupid thing arrived. I took a hot shower and just sat in the tub sobbing, I heard the door open and saw Josh standing there and I said “I’m not pregnant,” he then gets in the tub with ALL of his clothes on including his socks. With the water pouring on us he sat behind me and wrapped his arms around me and didn’t say a word which was the best thing he could have done, he just hugged me and let me cry. It felt as if he could feel the pain in my heart and for the first time I didn’t feel alone. It’s amazing that all I needed was for him to not say anything and just hold me as I cry and by him doing that it made me fall even more in love with him.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Whether or not your trouble conceiving is female factor or male factor it is very important to talk to your partner, if you don’t things will just keep building up and in the end you are really causing more damage to your marriage. Don’t get me wrong there are times when Josh and I don’t talk about what is going on, getting any emotion out of my husband is like pulling teeth. But we try our best to understand where one another are coming from.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something to try is to have at least one night a month where you don’t talk about your infertility or babies at all, even though it is hard not to talk about it because it is always on your mind, but you both need a break. Just remember don’t ignore your marriage, if your marriage is not very strong then you are going to have a very hard time on this journey, you need a support team and your partner should be right on top (no pun intended).</span></div>Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3261121891440258249.post-60150867706090388522011-03-09T15:38:00.000-08:002011-03-09T19:56:53.212-08:00That Which Does Not Kill Us Makes Us Stronger!<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria", "serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The story of my reproductive problems began October of 2007 when I had surgery to remove a large ovarian cyst, during my surgery they discovered that I had stage three <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001913/">endometriosis</a>. I was told that I needed to start hormone therapy (birth control) to help control the spread of the endometriosis. The next year and a half I tried MANY different kinds of birth control to help find something that not only controlled my disease, but didn’t make me feel crazy.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Cambria", "serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">On May 9<sup>th</sup> 2009 Josh and I got married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We knew it might take us some time to conceive, so we started trying to get pregnant right away. Right then I started my research and became obsessed with trying to conceive. I read any information I could get my hands on. I bought all the books, went to all the right websites, and even joined a group on the web for women trying to conceive. Even though I was “obsessed” with getting pregnant at the time I never thought that I would be the 10% of women in America that have fertility problems. I became aware of everything my body did… every sound it made, every pain I had, anything that was even slightly out of the ordinary I would Google to see if it was pregnancy related. I started using ovulation tests to find out exactly when and if I was ovulating (which I found out later that just because you produce the </span><span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria", "serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><a href="http://women.webmd.com/luteinizing-hormone">luteinizing hormone</a> does not mean that you are guaranteed to release an egg.) These tests are not just expensive but annoying.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria", "serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In August 2009, I had missed my period and, needless to say, I was so excited, I took a pregnancy test and there was a very faint line! I was told if there is any line at all, then you are pregnant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So the next day I took another test, and it was just a little bit darker. At this point I was so excited that I told everyone our good news.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because the line was so light, I had a blood test done by my doctor just to be sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me tell you, that was the longest 24 hours of my life! After what seemed like an eternity, I finally got the call from the nurse. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She told me: “Well…your levels are too high NOT to be pregnant, but too LOW to be pregnant. So, wait a week or two and come back for another blood test.” I wanted to scream! So I waited and went in for an ultrasound and more blood work. Unfortunately, my levels had dropped completely. This, I learned, is what they call a <a href="http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/chemical-pregnancy.html">chemical pregnancy</a>. During my ultrasound they noticed a large ovarian cyst and a bunch of little cysts, so my Gynecologist said he wanted to refer me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Most gynecologist make you try for at least a year on your own before they will refer you to an RE, but after he looked over my labs he decided that my hormone levels we very abnormal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because of other symptoms I had, such as the cysts, facial hair growth, loss of hair on my head, and acne, (Hey, If I am going to share my story, I have to share the embarrassing parts too!) he thought I may also have <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polycystic_ovary_syndrome">Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome</a> (PCOS) in addition to the endometriosis.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.25pt; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-outline-level: 3; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria", "serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">In December 2009, Josh and I started seeing our RE who we will call Dr. H. When you first go to a fertility clinic they run tests on both the man and the women. For the man, they take blood to find out how they are doing hormonally, and a semen analysis to make sure the sperm count and motility are ok. Keep in mind pretty much anything a man does can affect his sperm count, even the common cold can lower your man’s sperm count for up to a month. For the women, we get to have labs, ultrasounds, and most doctors will do a test called a <a href="http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/hysterosalpingogram-21590">Hysterosalpingogram</a>, or what they like to call an HSG. This test is to see if the fallopian tubes are blocked or open. At the time, both of my fallopian tubes were open. Finally, some good news! After Dr. H reviewed our test results he decided that he wanted to remove the large cyst that I had growing on my left ovary. For some women ovarian cysts will rupture and go away. However, I usually get endometrial cysts which are also called “Chocolate Cysts” because they are filled with dark menstrual blood which gives them a dark, chocolate like appearance. These nasty things do not rupture, but instead grow every time I get a period and generally have to be surgically removed. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.25pt; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-outline-level: 3; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria", "serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">March 2010, Dr. H, my gynecologist, and my gyno’s partner did laparoscopic surgery on me using the Da Vinci robot. It took 30 minutes to find my left ovary because of all the endometriosis, which had now grown onto my bowel and sent me into stage four endometriosis. Stage four is the last stage, and the most severe. Dr. H removed as much of the endo and cyst that he could, but was afraid of perforating my bowel if he tried to remove the growth from my colon. So he left what was on my bowels there. After my surgery he wanted to give my body a chance to heal before we started fertility treatments, so he put me on a hormone suppressant drug called <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000725/">Danocrine</a>, also known as Danazol, which I like to refer to as “devil medicine”. (It makes you feel super crazy!) It helps suppress hormones so that the endo won’t grow and my body would heal properly. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.25pt; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-outline-level: 3; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria", "serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">September 2010, we finally got the all clear to start our fertility treatments. We started off with timed intercourse. This is when they monitor my cycle while I gave myself <a href="http://www.ferringfertility.com/medications/bravelle/">Bravelle </a>shots in my belly to make me develop <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ovarian_follicle">follicles</a>. Once there is at least one follicle measuring 18mm they would instruct me to give myself the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_chorionic_gonadotropin">HCG injection</a>, which forces the follicle to release a mature egg. After the HCG shot, they instruct you to have sex within 36 hours. I thought this was going to work, but sure enough it didn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were left to figure out what we wanted to do next.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 14.25pt; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-outline-level: 3; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria", "serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">October 2010, we decided to go ahead with our first <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/intrauterine-insemination/MY00104">intrauterine insemination</a> (IUI)which pretty much starts off the same way timed intercourse does, except this time they upped my meds because I only developed 1 mature follicle so they wanted to see how I would respond to more meds. Well, needless to say I was responding very fast (the follicles were growing too fast) and I had to give myself a shot that slows things down just a bit. Four days later we went in for our first IUI. The night of my IUI I started with severe abdominal pain and bloating, so the next day I went in to my RE’s office and found out that I had over stimulated and was put on total bed rest until things started to cool down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After about two weeks they told me it looked like my ovaries were getting back to normal, except my left ovary, which had another large cyst on it. But the good news was there was a chance that I could still be pregnant…..but I wasn’t, my monthly “gift” came about 5 days early. For some reason I still felt like crap even though things were looking somewhat normal. Then the fevers started. I went to the ER and was told that I had<a href="http://www.cdc.gov/std/pid/stdfact-pid.htm"> Pelvic Inflammatory Disease</a>. There they admitted me and placed me on IV antibiotics. Dr. H came in and said he thinks that the infection was in there but the IUI caused it to spread on my left ovary and fallopian tube. After 2 days I went home only to start running another fever. The next night I was readmitted and was told that I needed to have surgery. Dr. H knew the surgery would be complicated because of the extent of my endo and the fact that everything was attached to my bowel. So he called a women's oncologist because of their attention to detail. After 5 days in the hospital I was ready for surgery. Again they wanted to use the Da Vinci robot to help shorten the recovery time. They discovered that I had a tubo-ovarian complex that was 21.5 cm which had pushed my colon over to the right. They removed my left ovary and fallopian tube and put my colon back in place. For the next 2 weeks I seemed to get worse rather than better and still felt horrible pain on my left side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a CT scan they found a large abscess were my left ovary used to be, so again I was admitted and the next day I had a drain placed. They did some tests and figured out that during my last surgery they perforated my bowel, causing fecal residue to leak into my abdominal cavity. The hole was small so they wanted to keep the drain in to see if it would heal on its own to avoid surgery. Finally after 14 days in the hospital and 14 days without food I was finally able to go home, where I lived in PJ pants and had many embarrassing moments with my drain.</span><span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria", "serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A month and a half later, after another CT scan and <a href="http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/vascular/procedures/fistulagram/">fistulagram</a>, they found the hole did not close. February 2011 I had part of my colon removed.</span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria", "serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> It has been a bumpy road so far, but fortunately I am feeling better than I have in a very long time. We just met with Dr. H last week to go over the plans for our next step which we are not sure yet what that will be. I know one day we will have our baby girl or boy in our arms and it will be worth every bump!</span></div>Baby Love!http://www.blogger.com/profile/08589729806586822774noreply@blogger.com5