Friday, November 8, 2013

I am Thankful For.....

Thanksgiving is coming up and posting what you are most thankful for on Facebook seems to be the trend again this year, so I thought I would say what I am most thankful for through my blog. Let me start off with the obvious things such as Josh and I having jobs so we can put food on our table and clothes on our bodies and to give my beautiful step daughter Kae a good life. There are a lot more obvious things but then this blog wouldn’t be so interesting so let me move on.

I have to say the thing I am most thankful for is something that I NEVER in my life thought I would  be thankful for and that is infertility……..I know, weird right? Don’t get me wrong I hate going through infertility more than anything in this world,  it has done a number not only on our bank account but it has taken its toll on us emotionally and has almost killed me twice. But this “horrible” disease that is standing in the way of my body ever carrying a child and makes me cry myself to sleep almost EVERY night for the past 4 years is also one of the biggest blessings of my life.

 Infertility has made my marriage stronger and has made me love Josh more and more every day. Josh and I have been trying to have a baby together since 3 days after we got married and after I had 3 surgeries and gone through countless fertility treatments most men would have said “we just need to stop” my wonderful husband says “we will never give up.” He has been by my side through everything and he lifts me up whenever I get knocked down or feel too weak to continue on with this journey. Without his strength I don’t know if I would have made it this far so I am truly thankful for Joshua Blaine Henrickson!

Infertility has made me super close to my family as well; my sister, Mom and Dad have been so great during all of this by reassuring us that we are not alone and that they have out backs! My wonderful parents last year hosted a fundraiser to help us raise money to do an IVF cycle with no strings attached, they never made us feel like we owed them and we know they did it because they love us and want to see our dream come true (thank you to all of our family and friends who donated last year). My sister has held my hand and listened to me cry and has cried with me more times than I can count, she has been one of my biggest supporters and I cannot say how much I love her for all that she has done for us!

I was told once that this journey will make me see who my true friends are and boy were they right! I have had many friends just kind of disappear or will say things here and there but not many of them are right by my side calling to see how things are going and how we are holding up. To me these small things are a HUGE part of a friendship and when your “friend” is going through hard times no matter how long they are going through it, you should always show your support. I now know who my true friends are and who are not and I am sure the people who are not will read this and wonder if it’s them. To my friends that have been there for us, we thank you for even just a simple phone call or acknowledgement that you care, we love you!

 This journey has also brought out people who I was never very close to, they have surprised us by donating to our fundraiser last year, offering their bodies for 9 months or offering their eggs to us. Words cannot describe how much these people mean to us! To those of you who were serious about helping us or who have helped us we want to thank you and know that Josh and I are forever grateful!

Because of infertility I have met some wonderful ladies, who have been on or are currently on this journey. These women have reassured me that what I am feeling is normal and that I am in fact not alone. Thank you for sharing your stories with me and giving me someone I can relate too.

4 years ago we met with our first fertility specialist Dr. Horvath and at first we thought he was kind of an ass but later showed us such compassion. When I was in the hospital he came into see me even though he wasn’t my attending, him and my nurse (Amy Alix) would call me just to see how I was feeling, he made us realize that he wasn’t in this for the success rate or money but that he really  cared and wanted to help us. Sadly Dr. Horvath was diagnosed this summer with Liposarcoma was given only a few more months to live. He is a wonderful man and he will truly be missed!

Last but not least because of our struggles we know the importance of family and when we finally become pregnant and have our baby we will never take for granted this gift from God because we have been through hell and back to get him/her!  Life of course isn’t fair and it feels as though we will be on this journey forever but someday and somehow Josh and I will have a baby together!
We love you all and hope that you have a terrific Thanksgiving!