Friday, December 16, 2011


I have to address this because it is driving me crazy. Josh and I are not ready to do or even talk about using a surrogate, I had a hard enough time thinking about adoption let alone something that we are not wanting to do. I appreciate all the offers I get and believe me I get offers almost every day BUT we are just not wanting to do it. This may change in the future but as of right now I have not had a doctor say "you are just never going to be able to carry a baby," so until this happens we are closed off to the idea of using a surrogate. Again we appreciate the offers we are getting but I don't think a lot of people realize what goes into this. When you do surrogacy I still have to go through everything as if I was to do IVF and while I am doing that you would have to take hormone injections to prepare your body for a pregnancy and then they would transfer the embryo (hoping there is a good enough embryo to transfer) then it's a matter of if the embryo implanted or not, and just because you don't have fertility problems does NOT mean you will get pregnant, even if you have carried a child before there is still a chance that it won't work and most fertility doctors say to expect the first IVF cycle not to work (even for surrogacy), most of the time it takes 2 or 3 times. It's very emotional and time consuming for all people involved.

 I want to carry my own child and feel them kick and have my husband touch my belly to feel the baby move and until I am told that this is not ever going to happen then I will continue going through all the injections, blood work, ultrasounds, retrievals, transfers, heartbreak and tears to make my dream of being able to carry mine and Josh's child come true. If the time ever comes (which I hope it doesn't) where we have no other option but to use a surrogate I already know who I am going to use. Until this all happens we are going to continue with looking into adoption and looking for a new fertility doctor to help us get pregnant.
 Thanks everyone for the support :)

Friday, December 9, 2011

Our Next Step

Josh and I have decided that once we are all settled in our place that we are going to put in for adoption. We are still going to continue our fertility journey and find another doctor who will hopefully be able to help us get pregnant, we figure worse comes to worse we will end up with 2 babies and I don’t feel like that is a bad thing. We are going to adopt in the states and will hopefully have our adoption closed in a couple of years. I am VERY excited but also nervous because it is still an emotional roller coaster. I am still having a hard time excepting that we are not pregnant from our last IVF cycle but as time goes on I have been able to heal little by little. I can’t wait to finally be able to hold my own baby even if they are not biologically mine.  It will probably be a couple of months before my next update but wish us luck on our new journey as well as our continued fertility journey.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

2nd IVF Attempt

Josh and I were lucky enough to be converted to IVF at the end of October. Everything started off great; they were able to collect 17 eggs like last time and 13 fertilized on their own! Our embryos made it to day 5 and we had 1 perfect blastocyst and one that was good, Josh and I decided that we didn’t want to take any chances so we asked to transfer both of them instead of just one like they recommend. They were so positive and thought it would work because how perfect the quality was.
This time Josh and I knew it worked, we could just feel it! Everything went too great for it NOT to work. We went on Nov. 10th for my pregnancy test and I told the nurse “I know it worked, I have no doubt in my mind” she said “I sure hope so; everyone in the office is hoping this is it for you!” We got home and we talked about when we were going to tell people and when we were going to tell Kaedence, we were so excited! Then I got the call from my nurse, she said “It’s not good news”  she got chocked up and said “it was negative, I am so sorry”  I was staring at Josh and my heart dropped, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing  I was waiting for her to say JUST KIDDING. After I hung up the phone Josh and I both hugged each other and cried, we just don’t understand what went wrong. 
People keep telling me to pray and put it in God’s hands but that’s what I have been doing for the past 2 ½ years. I can’t just stop trying and not see a fertility doctor; we have no choice but to do IVF because getting pregnant on our own WILL NOT WORK FOR US! I stress this because so many people keep telling me to “stop trying” even though I have explained to them before that we can’t. I put my faith in God and pray that he hears me and in the mean time we have to spend thousands of dollars on something that isn’t working, and frankly I am angry with God and I know most of you will say that I shouldn’t be but that’s how I feel right now, I am tired of having good things dangled in front of us and then in a blink of an eye it’s gone. We are good people who get crapped on and I am just tired of praying and pleading with God. I know this feeling of anger will go away but right now I am grieving.
 I also can’t stand when people say “it will happen” I have been hearing that for way to long and it gets under my skin, please tell me how you “know” that it will happen? It doesn’t make me feel better when you say it so please stop saying it to me.  I know it’s hard for people to come up with things to say and I don’t expect anyone to say anything to me that will cheer me up, but even just a simple “I hope you are feeling well” works. I really am not trying to be mean or sound rude, but you need to understand that after hearing certain things all the time for 2 years it becomes annoying.
Josh and I have decided to take a break for now and get ready for our move and get settled and then we will start interviewing new doctors. I am sorry if this blog comes off a little angry, I am just not in a good place right now.
Thanks to everyone for the thoughts and prayers, we truly appreciate them.

Friday, September 30, 2011


August we decided to do a round of timed intercourse with injectable meds, even though our chances of getting pregnant without IVF are very, very slim we figured what the hell a chance is a chance. I started my shots and everything seemed to be going pretty well. I went every couple of days for labs and ultra sounds to see how I was doing and they said that I had a ton of follicles which we were happy about. Since everything was going well they talked to us about converting to IVF instead of timed intercourse, we agreed since my body was again responding well that we could give IVF another shot…….I swear my body heard IVF and basically said F YOU! When I went back to my doctor they found that my levels weren’t going up the way they should, these levels are for the hormones that make the eggs grow so they are pretty important. Dr. Horvath talked to us and said that I have a ton of follicles but they are not the size they need to be in order for him to collect them (I feel like a chicken sometimes lol) so after I had a total melt down in his office he said he would increase my meds and see how they are in a couple of days. Well because my body hates me, my hormone levels dropped leaving me with only 3 good follicles and just because they look good doesn’t mean it holds a mature egg. After talking to the nurse she said that Dr. Horvath would do the retrieval if I insisted but he strongly suggested that I don’t go through with it, they didn’t want me to go through such a traumatic thing and not even have eggs to fertilize, so in the end we cancelled our cycle and we are left again saying WTF!
For those of you who don’t know we are moving in November and moving back to Michigan to be with our family and my step daughter Kaedence. Although I am super excited I am so sad to be leaving Dr. Horvath and his staff. It may sound dumb but I think of them as family, they have been my support team for the past 2 ½ years. No matter how bad my situation was they never gave up hope, and to be honest I don’t know if I will ever find a doctor or nurses that care about me as much as they do. I always thought that the reason I would be discharged from his practice was because I was pregnant, boy was I wrong. So if you are or know anyone who is in the New York area and is having a hard time getting pregnant I strongly suggest AlbanyIVF. Don’t let the fact that I didn’t get pregnant from them change your thoughts on them, I’m a freak of nature ;) I was watching the Rachael Ray show yesterday and they had a women on there who ironically named Christina and is 27 (which I am 26) and has been dealing with fertility problems, she is a patient of Dr. Horvath’s and is pregnant with TRIPLETS! Not going to lie I though “UHG, B*TCH…..that is supposed to be me!” haha. Me? Bitter? Nooo. I would have be 15 weeks along as of Wednesday and I think she was around the same. Oh well, at least that means that maybe there will be hope for me. I may complain and say why me!? Blah, blah, blah, BUT I will never give up that’s for damn sure. I have come too far to throw in the towel. Anyway that’s my update/ rant. Wish us luck on our move!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Bad Day!

I hate days like today, all I can think about is having babies and it breaks my heart that it still hasn’t happened for us. I literally know 13 pregnant women………….that’s a lot! It gets frustrating for me because most of these women are on their 2nd child and started having babies when Josh and I started trying. I had to block all the pregnant women status’s on my Facebook because it just became too much for me, I don’t blame anyone for posting things about their pregnancy, that’s not the case at all because I know damn well if I were pregnant every post would be about being pregnant but what I am going through is so hard that it’s just best that I don’t see those post for now and it seems the more time that passes the more people I have to block lol. I know this is hard to understand for some people and I don’t expect everyone to get it because in reality unless you have been through infertility you DON’T know what it’s like or how it feels to deal with this every day. Yes I could put a smile on my face and bare through the pregnancy announcements but that’s being fake and it makes it hurt even worse, crying and letting it all out helps me deal with it. And people say “it will happen for you, just be patient,” and “just stay positive.” Bitch please I have been patient I have gone through hell and back trying to conceive my FIRST child and still have NOTHING to show for it, and you try going through what I have gone through, all the test and surgeries, shots and fertility treatments all the while putting that damn smile on my face saying “this will be worth it” and “it will work,” but yet nothing seems to help. So yes I will cry and say it’s not fair and why me!? Frankly I think I have that right, I would like to see anyone go through this and not feel what I am feeling. And yes I know there are women who have gone through this but what people don’t understand is EVERY story is different and comparing what I am going through to what someone else is going through just doesn’t work, so in other words just because so and so got pregnant on their own after a failed IVF cycle does not mean I will get pregnant too, so please just stop saying that to me.
I have been reading a book called “The Infertility Survival Handbook” and the first paragraph had me in tears because she described EXACTLY what I am feeling and even though our stories are different all the women who go deal with infertility have all the same emotions run through them. This is the first paragraph of this book.
            “There isn’t any getting around it: having trouble getting pregnant sucks. Watching your friends conceive almost the minute they start trying when you’ve been trying for what feels like forever (and may very well have been forever), hurts. Your friends with newborns talk about nursing, diaper rash, nannies, balancing work and baby, and sleepless nights. You sit mute and jealous. If you offer any advice, your friends look at you with that “you just don’t understand because you don’t have a baby” expression. Friends with babies can’t go out with you and your husband. In fact, forget about seeing them, unless it’s Saturday afternoon Gymboree.
            Your pregnant friend (who all seem to be on baby number two or three by now) complain about how fat they are, how much the baby is kicking, how insensitive their husbands are, and how awful it is to be pregnant  -or- worse pregnant again. You want to scream! Why can’t they shut up and realize how lucky they are? You would give your left arm and right leg to be pregnant.”
            I love this book so far! Anyway, I am not trying to bash all pregnant women and what not, but don’t be offended if I don’t feel like talking about you being pregnant or if I just don’t feel up to going to a kids play date, try to understand that sometimes I am just not up to doing or talking about these things. I know that people don’t know what to say in these situations so my advice is, if you don’t know what to say then don’t say anything and if I come to you crying or whatever I am really just looking for someone to cry on their shoulder so it’s okay that you sit there silent, I won’t be mad I actually prefer it. ;)

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Our First IVF Attempt

As you know Josh and I did our first IVF attempt in June, here is what happened. I was on meds for about two weeks to get my ovary to produce as many follicles (they hold the eggs) as possible, because I only have one ovary we were pretty nervous about this! My retrieval was on June 29th, and when I woke up from the egg retrieval they told us that we had 17 eggs! Mind you I have heard of women with BOTH ovaries who only had 7 eggs retrieved so this was awesome! The next day we got a call from the embryologist (they fertilize the eggs and watch the development) she said that out of 17 eggs 13 were mature and 9 fertilized and we were thrilled everything seemed to be going great! The day of the egg transfer will be depends on how the embryos are developing, usually they do the transfer either 3 days after fertilization when the embryo has developed into 8 cells or on day 5 when the embryos become what is called a blastocyst, this is what most people want to happen because when the embryo gets to the point of becoming a blastocyst it will be hatching within a day or two so the chances of implantation to take place is higher with a day 5 transfer. Unfortunately for us they had us do a 3 day transfer because the embryo quality was not that great and felt that the embryos would do better inside of the womb so after some talking we transferred 2 embryos, as for the rest of the embryos 3 made it to day 5 but the cell quality was not good enough to be frozen so we didn't have any to freeze. Then the two week wait began! This is the longest 2 weeks of our lives!!!! 
I started cramping from the day of our transfer which is good because it could be implantation cramping but because of my history of infections they wanted me to come in for some blood work to make sure everything was ok. I asked the nurse how my levels were doing and she said “they are a little low to be pregnant, but it’s still early.” Needless to say I was freaking out I cried for 2 days, I convinced myself that it didn’t work and I still had 6 days left until my pregnancy test. So July 13th finally came and I was not very positive about what was going to happen, I told Josh to go to work because it was going to be negative so there was no point in being home. Finally the nurse called, she said “I am calling with some unfortunate but good news, your HCG (pregnancy hormone) is 8.4 which means you are pregnant BUT at this point we want to see your HCG at 50 or higher and all your levels are VERY low.” She wanted me to come back in 2 days for more blood work and hopefully my levels would go up.  Josh and I were so excited because we knew this had happened to many women before and they went on to have a normal pregnancy. We figured out when our baby would be due which it would have been March 21st and when we would find out the sex, we felt as if we won the lottery. Sadly our excitement ended in tears when then next day I started bleeding very badly and ended up passing tissue. I still had to go to the doctor for more blood work and by then my HCG levels were at 1. So now we are left to figure out what to do next, unfortunately we cannot get pregnant on own because my only fallopian tube is blocked and the only way to treat it is to remove it.
 My doctor is left being very confused because he said it should have worked, everything went perfectly.  So again Josh and I are left with heartache, we have had such a horrible year and we thought this was going to be it for us, but we were wrong. I still pray and have faith that we will become pregnant we just don’t know how and when.  

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Baby bumps are EVERYWHERE!!!!!

So I don’t know about everyone else, but it seems like when people get pregnant it happens in groups. In the past 2 weeks I have seen 5 people announce that they are pregnant! Don’t get me wrong I am happy for them all but not going to lie, it kind of sucks for someone dealing with infertility. Of course we know the world doesn’t revolve around us and people are not going to put their lives on hold until we become pregnant and most women have no trouble getting pregnant but it’s still a bit of a jab. I always feel bad when I read that someone is expecting because the first thing I think is “COME ON! WTF!”……. crazy right, not a normal reaction but I can’t help it and again it’s not that I am not happy for them, it’s just…… I wanted it to be ME damn it LOL. I read that these thought’s and feeling are natural though, so that’s good and it says to not feel bad for feeling this way. As much as they say it’s okay I still kind of feel like a b*tch. But I know one day, I will finally be able to make that announcement.

What to expect when she's not expecting

I heard about this book for men called “What to expect when she's not expecting.”  It sounds like something that every man should read when he and his spouse are infertile.  Here is a link


It’s been a while since I have posted anything so I thought I would give an update. Josh and I have decided that we are going to try IVF, we are very excited but at the same time I am very nervous. IVF is a long process and is not guaranteed to  work, in fact our doctor told us to except it not to work, the chances for someone to only do one round of IVF and have it work are pretty low. And unfortunately I had an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago and they thought they saw more ovarian cysts but after another ultrasound they found that it is fluid in my fallopian tube, which I had in the fall with my left fallopian tube. This makes me nervous because they told us this decreases our chances of not only getting pregnant naturally but also with IVF. The fluid can leak into the uterus and affect implantation. Also we have to be careful because fertility meds can make the fluid buildup more; causing an infection (this is what happened last time). Needless to say this makes me a little scared, I am not trying to think in a negative way because I do have faith that it will work but I am a “what if” person and can’t help it. When we did our IUI, I was so positive and thought “this is it,” but sure enough not only did it NOT work but I became very ill. My body seems to be doing everything it can to prevent me from getting pregnant so hopefully IVF will be the answer to our prayers.  

Monday, March 28, 2011

That Old Familiar Feeling

So Josh and I are looking into doing IVF this summer, Dr. H wants my body to heal a little bit more before we jump into it so we have to try on our own (or with meds) until then so we tried this month, and guess what showed up 5 days early? My so called monthly gift!  October was the last time I felt this heart wrenching pain and I did not miss it at all. The first day is always the worst and as the days go by you start planning for next month, but UHG!!!  I hate this first day, I cry and sleep and cry some more, and yes it is easy to say “well we have next month”  but next month turns into the next month and then the next month and before you know it, it’s been a year… is VERY frustrating. And no matter what anyone says which are normally “it will happen,” “everything happens for a reason,” “Just relax,” “stop trying so hard,”  “keep praying,” “God has a plan for you,” it NEVER helps and ends up making me even more frustrated. This month would have been perfect too, because I would have been due in December (which is a special month in my family), and Josh gets out of the Navy at the end of December so we would still have insurance. But noooooo, nothing ever goes the way we would like them too!                 Okay,  I am done with my bitching.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

8 Things you should NEVER say to someone who is dealing with infertility

1.)    "Relax, just stop thinking about it."
This might be good for someone who doesn’t have infertility issues and yes stress does not help, but when you have medical problems “relaxing” is not much of an option.
2.)    “My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant!”
This should NEVER be said to someone who is going through this. It’s one thing if you don’t know that they are having problems, but if you do know and have the balls to say it then you need to be slapped because that’s like pouring salt into wounds.
3.)    “Just stop trying, I know a girl who stopped trying and became pregnant right away.”
Please refer to #1. That is great that happened for that person, but if you have a medical condition like I do and every month that goes by that you are not pregnant decreases your chances of ever becoming pregnant well then “stop trying” just won’t work.
4.)    “Why don’t you just adopt?”
Adoption can also be a long process and just as heart breaking, you don’t just go into a store and pick out a baby, adoption can take years, and not to mention it is expensive.
5.)    “You’re still young honey, you have time.”
Age does have a big factor in fertility but, I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis at the age of 22 so by this time my infertility already began and was told that I need to have children by the time I was 28 because by then I will need to have a hysterectomy.  Ergo, being young doesn’t mean that you have time.
6.)    “Why don’t you just do IVF?”
In vitro can cost anywhere from $10,000 - $15,000 per attempt (and is not covered by most insurance companies) and they can’t guarantee it will work the first time. I don’t know about you but I don’t have that kind of money just lying around.
7.)    “Just don’t be another Octomom!”
This is just a silly statement. Octomom’s doctor was a moron for doing what he did and most likely a normal RE will not put back more than three embryos. And most of the time IUI’s will result you with multiple babies because when you do an IUI you can’t control how many eggs will be released let alone fertilized opposed to IVF where they have control over everything.
8.)    “You should get a surrogate”
In my case I can carry a baby; I just can’t get pregnant so I don’t need someone else carrying my baby. If I couldn’t carry a baby it is a butt ton of money to get a surrogate.  Let me give you an example that I found on a website for a surrogacy agency.
Application Fee $500
Legal Expenses $15,000
This includes all contract preparation; surrogate selection and monitoring; escrow account supervision; final preparation of the adoption decree, and any other legal work necessary to ensure that the adoption and/or termination of parental rights (if in the IVF/ET program) is successful. If legal work is necessary outside of Indiana, we may need an attorney in that state also represent you, in which case there might be additional legal fees.
Medical Expenses $5,000 - $20,000
This includes physical exams and sperm count of the father; physical exam, HSG test (if necessary), insemination/embryo transfer, prenatal, delivery, postpartum care for the surrogate. Medical costs will vary greatly depending on how comprehensive the surrogate's health insurance policy is, or if she even has one. If she does not, you must purchase a policy for her. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY EXPENSES NOT COVERED BY HER INSURANCE.
Advertising/Administrative Expenses $5,000
$5000 is about what this company pays per woman made available to you. If for some reason you need to select a second surrogate, you are charged a reduced ad fee of $2500. If your surrogate does not pass the psychological testing and you select someone else, no additional fee is charged. This fee also includes the administrative costs of our program [all phone calls (our toll free number is provided), regular mailings, faxes, etc.]
Psychological Fees $1,600-2,000
These are the costs for the psychological evaluation and testing that the surrogate (and her partner if she is involved with someone), will undergo once she is selected. Also included is consultation during and after the pregnancy, if necessary.
Miscellaneous Surrogate Benefits 750 - $2,000
This includes a $500 maternity clothing allowance; a $100,000 term life insurance policy which must be taken out on the surrogate (costs about $150); travel expenses to/from and one of several different cities for the medical procedures; a $100 daily allowance to compensate the surrogate for such things as lost wages, child care, meals, etc.; and attorney's fees for the surrogate's attorney ($300-$500).
Surrogate's Fee 0 - $20,000
According to their website Surrogacy can cost anywhere from $20,000 - $80,000
My point is, when talking to someone who has infertility you need to think before you speak, put yourself in their shoes and understand that anything you say to them, they more than likely have heard it at least 50 times before you.

P.S. I have no idea why some of the background is why, I don't know how to fix it.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Marriage & Infertility

As you can imagine infertility can take a toll on a marriage, and Josh and I are no exception. Yes we do get along and I know he is one of my biggest supporters, but men think COMPLETLEY different then women. We had the same argument every month, it is usually when I either get my period or I get a negative pregnancy test. Now I am sure you are thinking…..why would you fight over that? Well it’s not that we are fighting because I didn’t become pregnant that month; it was usually because he and I handle things totally different. For me I would cry for days and beat myself up over it, but for him it was more so, “Ok…..let’s go on to the next month” and he wouldn’t even think twice about it. Now maybe I should be more like him and just move on but I can’t, because I am the reason we can’t get pregnant so I think it is more hurtful for me because I take on the burden of our infertility. It’s not that I expect Josh to break down and cry every month that we didn’t get pregnant, but I wanted some kind of emotion because if I am the only one showing disappointment (not that he is NOT disappointed) then I feel crazy and even more alone then I already do. I think no matter how hard we try we will always be different in the emotional department but, he tries his best and that’s all I ask.
I do have to tell this story though. After my IUI I was crushed when I got my period, Josh was at work so I was alone when the stupid thing arrived. I took a hot shower and just sat in the tub sobbing, I heard the door open and saw Josh standing there and I said “I’m not pregnant,” he then gets in the tub with ALL of his clothes on including his socks. With the water pouring on us he sat behind me and wrapped his arms around me and didn’t say a word which was the best thing he could have done, he just hugged me and let me cry. It felt as if he could feel the pain in my heart and for the first time I didn’t feel alone. It’s amazing that all I needed was for him to not say anything and just hold me as I cry and by him doing that it made me fall even more in love with him.
Whether or not your trouble conceiving is female factor or male factor it is very important to talk to your partner, if you don’t things will just keep building up and in the end you are really causing more damage to your marriage. Don’t get me wrong there are times when Josh and I don’t talk about what is going on, getting any emotion out of my husband is like pulling teeth. But we try our best to understand where one another are coming from.  Something to try is to have at least one night a month where you don’t talk about your infertility or babies at all, even though it is hard not to talk about it because it is always on your mind, but you both need a break. Just remember don’t ignore your marriage, if your marriage is not very strong then you are going to have a very hard time on this journey, you need a support team and your partner should be right on top (no pun intended).

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

That Which Does Not Kill Us Makes Us Stronger!

The story of my reproductive problems began October of 2007 when I had surgery to remove a large ovarian cyst, during my surgery they discovered that I had stage three endometriosis. I was told that I needed to start hormone therapy (birth control) to help control the spread of the endometriosis. The next year and a half I tried MANY different kinds of birth control to help find something that not only controlled my disease, but didn’t make me feel crazy.
On May 9th 2009 Josh and I got married.  We knew it might take us some time to conceive, so we started trying to get pregnant right away. Right then I started my research and became obsessed with trying to conceive. I read any information I could get my hands on. I bought all the books, went to all the right websites, and even joined a group on the web for women trying to conceive. Even though I was “obsessed” with getting pregnant at the time I never thought that I would be the 10% of women in America that have fertility problems. I became aware of everything my body did… every sound it made, every pain I had, anything that was even slightly out of the ordinary I would Google to see if it was pregnancy related. I started using ovulation tests to find out exactly when and if I was ovulating (which I found out later that just because you produce the luteinizing hormone does not mean that you are guaranteed to release an egg.) These tests are not just expensive but annoying.
                In August 2009, I had missed my period and, needless to say, I was so excited, I took a pregnancy test and there was a very faint line! I was told if there is any line at all, then you are pregnant.  So the next day I took another test, and it was just a little bit darker. At this point I was so excited that I told everyone our good news.  Because the line was so light, I had a blood test done by my doctor just to be sure.  Let me tell you, that was the longest 24 hours of my life! After what seemed like an eternity, I finally got the call from the nurse.  She told me: “Well…your levels are too high NOT to be pregnant, but too LOW to be pregnant. So, wait a week or two and come back for another blood test.” I wanted to scream! So I waited and went in for an ultrasound and more blood work. Unfortunately, my levels had dropped completely. This, I learned, is what they call a chemical pregnancy. During my ultrasound they noticed a large ovarian cyst and a bunch of little cysts, so my Gynecologist said he wanted to refer me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Most gynecologist make you try for at least a year on your own before they will refer you to an RE, but after he looked over my labs he decided that my hormone levels we very abnormal.  Because of other symptoms I had, such as the cysts, facial hair growth, loss of hair on my head, and acne, (Hey, If I am going to share my story, I have to share the embarrassing parts too!) he thought I may also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) in addition to the endometriosis.
In December 2009, Josh and I started seeing our RE who we will call Dr. H. When you first go to a fertility clinic they run tests on both the man and the women. For the man, they take blood to find out how they are doing hormonally, and a semen analysis to make sure the sperm count and motility are ok. Keep in mind pretty much anything a man does can affect his sperm count, even the common cold can lower your man’s sperm count for up to a month. For the women, we get to have labs, ultrasounds, and most doctors will do a test called a Hysterosalpingogram, or what they like to call an HSG. This test is to see if the fallopian tubes are blocked or open. At the time, both of my fallopian tubes were open. Finally, some good news! After Dr. H reviewed our test results he decided that he wanted to remove the large cyst that I had growing on my left ovary. For some women ovarian cysts will rupture and go away. However, I usually get endometrial cysts which are also called “Chocolate Cysts” because they are filled with dark menstrual blood which gives them a dark, chocolate like appearance. These nasty things do not rupture, but instead grow every time I get a period and generally have to be surgically removed.
March 2010, Dr. H, my gynecologist, and my gyno’s partner did laparoscopic surgery on me using the Da Vinci robot. It took 30 minutes to find my left ovary because of all the endometriosis, which had now grown onto my bowel and sent me into stage four endometriosis. Stage four is the last stage, and the most severe. Dr. H removed as much of the endo and cyst that he could, but was afraid of perforating my bowel if he tried to remove the growth from my colon. So he left what was on my bowels there. After my surgery he wanted to give my body a chance to heal before we started fertility treatments, so he put me on a hormone suppressant drug called Danocrine, also known as Danazol, which I like to refer to as “devil medicine”. (It makes you feel super crazy!) It helps suppress hormones so that the endo won’t grow and my body would heal properly.
September 2010, we finally got the all clear to start our fertility treatments. We started off with timed intercourse. This is when they monitor my cycle while I gave myself Bravelle shots in my belly to make me develop follicles. Once there is at least one follicle measuring 18mm they would instruct me to give myself the HCG injection, which forces the follicle to release a mature egg. After the HCG shot, they instruct you to have sex within 36 hours. I thought this was going to work, but sure enough it didn’t.  We were left to figure out what we wanted to do next.
October 2010, we decided to go ahead with our first intrauterine insemination (IUI)which pretty much starts off the same way timed intercourse does, except this time they upped my meds because I only developed 1 mature follicle so they wanted to see how I would respond to more meds. Well, needless to say I was responding very fast (the follicles were growing too fast) and I had to give myself a shot that slows things down just a bit. Four days later we went in for our first IUI. The night of my IUI I started with severe abdominal pain and bloating, so the next day I went in to my RE’s office and found out that I had over stimulated and was put on total bed rest until things started to cool down.  After about two weeks they told me it looked like my ovaries were getting back to normal, except my left ovary, which had another large cyst on it. But the good news was there was a chance that I could still be pregnant…..but I wasn’t, my monthly “gift” came about 5 days early. For some reason I still felt like crap even though things were looking somewhat normal. Then the fevers started. I went to the ER and was told that I had Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. There they admitted me and placed me on IV antibiotics. Dr. H came in and said he thinks that the infection was in there but the IUI caused it to spread on my left ovary and fallopian tube. After 2 days I went home only to start running another fever. The next night I was readmitted and was told that I needed to have surgery. Dr. H knew the surgery would be complicated because of the extent of my endo and the fact that everything was attached to my bowel. So he called a women's oncologist because of their attention to detail. After 5 days in the hospital I was ready for surgery. Again they wanted to use the Da Vinci robot to help shorten the recovery time. They discovered that I had a tubo-ovarian complex that was 21.5 cm which had pushed my colon over to the right. They removed my left ovary and fallopian tube and put my colon back in place. For the next 2 weeks I seemed to get worse rather than better and still felt horrible pain on my left side.  After a CT scan they found a large abscess were my left ovary used to be, so again I was admitted and the next day I had a drain placed. They did some tests and figured out that during my last surgery they perforated my bowel, causing fecal residue to leak into my abdominal cavity. The hole was small so they wanted to keep the drain in to see if it would heal on its own to avoid surgery. Finally after 14 days in the hospital and 14 days without food I was finally able to go home, where I lived in PJ pants and had many embarrassing moments with my drain.  A month and a half later, after another CT scan and fistulagram, they found the hole did not close. February 2011 I had part of my colon removed.
 It has been a bumpy road so far, but fortunately I am feeling better than I have in a very long time. We just met with Dr. H last week to go over the plans for our next step which we are not sure yet what that will be. I know one day we will have our baby girl or boy in our arms and it will be worth every bump!