As you can imagine infertility can take a toll on a marriage, and Josh and I are no exception. Yes we do get along and I know he is one of my biggest supporters, but men think COMPLETLEY different then women. We had the same argument every month, it is usually when I either get my period or I get a negative pregnancy test. Now I am sure you are thinking…..why would you fight over that? Well it’s not that we are fighting because I didn’t become pregnant that month; it was usually because he and I handle things totally different. For me I would cry for days and beat myself up over it, but for him it was more so, “Ok…..let’s go on to the next month” and he wouldn’t even think twice about it. Now maybe I should be more like him and just move on but I can’t, because I am the reason we can’t get pregnant so I think it is more hurtful for me because I take on the burden of our infertility. It’s not that I expect Josh to break down and cry every month that we didn’t get pregnant, but I wanted some kind of emotion because if I am the only one showing disappointment (not that he is NOT disappointed) then I feel crazy and even more alone then I already do. I think no matter how hard we try we will always be different in the emotional department but, he tries his best and that’s all I ask.
I do have to tell this story though. After my IUI I was crushed when I got my period, Josh was at work so I was alone when the stupid thing arrived. I took a hot shower and just sat in the tub sobbing, I heard the door open and saw Josh standing there and I said “I’m not pregnant,” he then gets in the tub with ALL of his clothes on including his socks. With the water pouring on us he sat behind me and wrapped his arms around me and didn’t say a word which was the best thing he could have done, he just hugged me and let me cry. It felt as if he could feel the pain in my heart and for the first time I didn’t feel alone. It’s amazing that all I needed was for him to not say anything and just hold me as I cry and by him doing that it made me fall even more in love with him.
Whether or not your trouble conceiving is female factor or male factor it is very important to talk to your partner, if you don’t things will just keep building up and in the end you are really causing more damage to your marriage. Don’t get me wrong there are times when Josh and I don’t talk about what is going on, getting any emotion out of my husband is like pulling teeth. But we try our best to understand where one another are coming from. Something to try is to have at least one night a month where you don’t talk about your infertility or babies at all, even though it is hard not to talk about it because it is always on your mind, but you both need a break. Just remember don’t ignore your marriage, if your marriage is not very strong then you are going to have a very hard time on this journey, you need a support team and your partner should be right on top (no pun intended).